Bad Blind Date # 245

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

I can’t believe it, but my 10-year wedding anniversary is approaching. In some ways it seems like we’ve been together forever, and in many other ways it seems like we were just saying our vows the other day. Time really flies.

Hill Country House Girl left a comment the other day that got me really thinking about my husband and how fortunate I am. You know – even when we know we have a good marriage and that the man you’re married to is a really good person, it’s still nice to be reminded by someone else every now and then that you’ve got a pretty good gig going.

Anyway, Hill Country House Girl left me a message because she referred me to a lady in Fredericksburg that is hands down the best slip cover and curtain maker in the land. This is what Hill Country House Girl said:

…..D. Phillips thanked me for referring you to her, and she said that YOUR husband is one of the nicest men she has ever met! She is single and when we parted she said "Surely there are just a few more like him somewhere in the world...."I am sure you know you are blessed but thought you'd like to hear that!

I really did appreciate hearing that and it got me thinking about our anniversary approaching and all those years of bad blind dates that led up to the one great blind date that landed us in holy matrimony. It was worth waiting 34-years.

So – with that said, I thought I would entertain you with a few posts for the next few days on some of my really bad blind dates, which led up to my final wonderful blind date. I’ve been known to say that I’ve been on 465 bad blind dates. Well – maybe it wasn’t really that many, but it felt like it!

Here you go – the story of Bad Blind Date # 245:

Okay, this wasn’t exactly a blind date because I met the guy earlier in the week very briefly; but, being that we knew nothing about each other until our horrible date, I kind of consider it a blind date. I was at the Ford dealership getting my company car serviced when all of a sudden this Conan-the-Barbarian-looking used car salesman walked by. Yes, he was a hottie indeed and had the body of a Greek god.

As I sat waiting in the service area lounge for my car, he managed to walk by several times so that we could exchange smirky little looks at each other. After about the 4th walk-by he finally broke the ice by asking if I needed any help…. As if the car salesman could help me in the service department. I mean, who knows – maybe I was just lost and really was car shopping and somehow ended up in the lounge area of the service department. I never was the sharpest bulb in the chandelier when it came to car stuff…

Okay, so this little conversation led to us agreeing to meet for dinner on Friday night. Not knowing a thing about him, I didn’t want to give him my address and have him pick me up. Come on – I may not know much about car stuff, but I was a pretty bright bulb in the chandelier when it came to dating stuff, being that I was almost 30 and still single. We agreed to meet at a seafood restaurant, which at the time was one of the nicest restaurants in San Antonio.

When Friday arrived, I bought a new guy-gettin’ sweater and took off to the swanky restaurant for blind date # 245 with Conan the Barbarian.

As I pulled into the parking lot I noticed a parking space almost right in front of the restaurant. This was a busy place, so I was already beginning to feel a little lucky for finding such a great spot. Maybe this was a sign of a great night to come…. I pulled into the parking spot which was right next to a median thing with a small tree. Something like this:

But the tree was more like this with prickly little leaves and thorny things on the branches:

As soon as I opened the car door I knew why no one was parking there. That little small tree became the mutant ninja shrub trying to invade me and the inside of my car. I could barely crack my door open because I parked so close to the median. When I did slightly open the door, the tree/shrub alien force literally poked inside the car with me. There I was trying to squeeze through a slightly ajar door with the tree completely invading my space. And it hurt! This tree had thorny things that were poking me. Okay – any normal person would have sat back down in the car and shut the door and go find a new parking space. The key word there is 'normal person'.... It was obvious that this parking space belonged to the tree, not a car; it was also obvious that all the other guests at the restaurant had figured that out, leaving the parking space for me.

I said earlier that I had bought a special guy-gettin’ sweater just for Conan the Barbarian. It was a cute little knitted thing with little golden threads going through it. That tree ate my sweater! I was literally wedged between the car door and the tree. There I was standing inside my 5-inch cracked-opened car door with this tree trying to get inside my car.

I was stuck y’all. Stuck in a tree at the swankiest restaurant in town.

This tree took me and my my sweater over; I was completely snagged up inside all the little thorny branches. I was hanging from this tree. Short of taking off my sweater in public in an effort to remove myself from the tangled up branches, there was no other way to escape without someone helping me. (Kind of like the time when I was 7-years-old and fell head first into our Christmas tree while trying to put a star on top. As I was stuck inside the Christmas tree head-first with pine needles poking out my eye balls, my mother and aunt had to stand there and laugh for 10 minutes before helping me out…. )

All of a sudden I hear Conan. Debi, is that you?

Uhhh, yeah – it’s me. Looks like they have some real landscaping issues in this parking lot.

Conan had to pick off each thorny branch out of my guy-gettin’ sweater which soon became a snagged-up looking garage sale reject. I was humiliated.

My inner-nerd was raging.

To say the least.

So after ten minutes of freeing me, my sweater, and my hair out of the tree, we walked inside the restaurant to eat. Oh – and did I say I still had pretty big hair back then? My hair was long and all moussed-up. After the tree got a piece of it, I looked like a grunge girl with a ripped up sweater in some kind of head-banger MTV video. It was just awful.

Okay – so we walk into the restaurant and of course I felt like everyone had been watching the fiasco take place in the parking lot. I could sense people laughing at me. I swear that Conan was walking ten feet in front of me. I was cramping his style and he didn't want to be associated with me. But - to be honest with you, as humiliated as I was, what had happened was just darn funny! I really wanted to laugh about it - I mean, what else could you do? But, Conan-the-Barbarian was just pretty quiet and weird about the whole thing. He was obviously embarrassed by me.

So – bad blind date # 245 ended with the waiter bringing the check for our dinner and Mr. Conan suddenly realizing he had forgotten his wallet! I’m sure he knew he would never be seeing me again, so why should he spend any money on me…..

I paid for our meal and then we departed. As I very carefully got back into my car (entering from the passenger side), I said a little prayer to help me swear off all men of the Conan variety…. And of the no-sense-of-humor variety.

(I'll have more bad blind-date stories to come....)

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